Random Tuesday

Well, it's back to the real world for me. My last day of vacation was Sunday, and I was really dreading going back to work yesterday. It was a short day though, as I had a doctor's appointment at 3:30 for my mid-cycle ultrasound complete with the Ovudrel injection. Oh, the fun. Is it strange that I am not feeling one way or the other about this month's cycle? I mean, I'm not feeling extremely optimistic or hopeful, nor am I feeling negative. I feel like I am running somewhere in the middle of all these emotions. Maybe apathetic might be the right word.

Anyway, I am in the mood for Fall! I started getting out my decorations and it has definitely helped put me in the mood for all things Fall. It's been chilly and rainy here, so I am bringing out the sweaters. And making a run to Panera for their Pumpkin Spice Latte--I'm partial to this one over Starbucks version. This weather makes me want to curl up on the couch with a blanket and a good book (I'm reading some good ones!).

On the work front, we're starting to set our store for Christmas. Yes, I said Christmas. Already. It seems we set it earlier and earlier every year (we really don't--we set it the same time every year). I love to see the trees go up, it gets me in the Christmas spirit, even if it is a few months away!

Hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday.

P.S. My camera is officially dunzo. The display screen is constantly black and when I take a pic, they come out black. Debating about sending it in for repair, or just borrow my mom's for a while until I am ready to make the BIG camera purchase. Decisions, Decisions...

My Fashion Finds

I did it.

I can't believe I actually did it.

What did I do, you ask? Well, I bought my first pair of skinny jeans. I swore up and down to anyone who would listen that I would never buy skinny jeans. Frankly, I thought they were horrendous. I have since bitten my tongue and have changed my mind.

It all started with my sudden interest in owning knee high boots, and then it progressed to the understanding that my much adored flare leg jeans would just not work out in knee high boots. So, today, while at the mall, I tried on these boots at Macy's and decided they must be mine.

I "heart" these boots! I got these boots in a cognac color and in leather instead of suede. My next mission was to find a pair of skinny jeans that didn't make me look like ridiculous. I tried on a pair at Express and they were too low rise for me. I don't think the general population wants to see my underwear or see me hiking up my waistband every 10 seconds. However, the Gap had a pair that were perfect for me (have I ever mentioned my love for all things Gap?).

Now, my legs are way too chicken like to pull off this look here. But in a pair of boots, these jeans are fabulous. Not to mention that I don't have to worry about bending over in them!

Daily Devotion

My mom gave me this devotional book by Joel Osteen and today's devotion really rang true and I had to share it with you. This isn't the whole thing, but just a portion of it.

"You may be facing some other serious setback and you feel as though life has caved in on top of you, knocking you off your feet and pushing you into the pits. You may be in a situation where you have done your best. You've prayed and believed. You've placed your faith firmly on the truth of God's word. But it just doesn't look like anything good is happening... Don't give up! Keep standing. Keep praying; keep believing; keep hoping in faith." Your Best Life Begins Each Morning: Joel Osteen

I needed to hear this! Coincidence? I think not.

Another Plan

Yesterday was not a good day, although I was gearing up to have a relaxing day off. Soon after making my post yesterday, my doctor's office called to give me the results of my CD 21 bloodwork (checking my progetersone levels). I was hoping for good news, but unfortunately, none came. My levels were at a 2.4 and they should have been at least at 5. This means that for some reason, I never ovulated. So, essentially the Clomid worked to mature the follicles, my body showed I was having a LH surge, but I never released an egg. Ugh... I was so upset I couldn't hang up the phone fast enough.

So now my doctor is increasing my dosage of Clomid from 50mg to 100mg, and I will also be starting Ovudrel which is an injection. Hopefully the Ovudrel will trigger the release of an egg once the Clomid has matured the follicles.

I used to think that every month that passed with a negative pregnancy result was getting easier because I was used to it, but it felt different this time. It felt so much harder. I guess I was just hoping that the first month on the Clomid would "do the trick", and when it didn't, I felt overwhelming dissappointment. I feel like my body has somehow betrayed me. I feel a little scared to be starting a higher dosage of Clomid and to now have to start injections. I guess I just feel a million different things right now! There is so much to think about...

Waiting really is the hardest part

I've been a little down the past couple of days. Last night I drove home from work just bawling my eyes out. I think Mike was a little concerned when I came in the house looking like someone had just died. The reason? Umm, there was no reason. Just flat out felt like I couldn't do anything but cry.

I feel overwhelmed by emotion and all of the thoughts that are running through my mind. This week I'll find out if I am pregnant, and I am drowning in fear that I won't be. I am overanalyzing every little thing I feel, which I know is not a healthy thing to do, but I can't help it. I remind myself to take a deep breath and to focus on something else, which I do for a while, until the fear comes knocking again.

I am tired of the roller coaster of emotions every month--being hopeful and optimistic only to be let down. I am tired of letting the fear overshadow my faith. For once, I would just like to stand tall in my belief and let it be.

My Favorite Summer Things

Lianna at Be Thou A Knight did this post yesterday as did my friend Jaime at Stirring the Pott, and it was so cute that I thought I would do it too! If only summer wasn't almost over...

Favorite Summer Movie: Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince

Favorite Summer Cocktail: Iced Caramel Latte from McDonalds

Favorite Summer Song: Fallin For You by Colbie Callait-it's so catchy, I can't stop singing it!

Favorite Summer Meal: 5 Layer Mexican Dip-Ok, so it's more like a snack, but I can't stop eating it so it usually turns into a meal!

Favorite Summer Outfit: Tank Tops--any color, any style, worn with anything!!

Favorite Summer Reading: The Whole Truth by David Baldacci. Stepping out of my normal reading comfort zone with this one, but it was very entertaining.

Favorite Summer Moment: Negril, Jamaica. I love this pic!

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for...

*random acts of kindness--my neighbor came over today and brought Mike and I some fresh corn on the cob from the farmer's market. This is the same neighbor who gets mad when our outside light stays on after he's gone to bed (it shines into his bedroom) and who never hesitates to point it out to us. So imagine my surprise...

*the opportunity to cook dinner with the hubby--we're trying out a new recipe! Meatball Lasagna Florentine. It looks amazing and hopefully we won't screw it up too badly!

A little shopping

I am in the mood to shop! With my delicious Carmel Marvel in hand, I have been browsing some sites this morning looking for new clothes. I think I still have it engraved in my mind that Fall= New Clothes. Even though the weather is still pretty warm here, I cannot wait to bring out the sweaters and comfy sweatshirts. These are some of the things I have added to my shopping list for Fall...
Long cardigan--JCPenney (it also comes in a Camel color, which is soo pretty)

Short sleeve cocoon cardigan--JCPenney (I actually love the whole outfit!)

Curvy fit jeans from the Gap--I have a pair already and they are my favorite, but I need a new pair!

Drape top--Express (love the detail on the back)
Sweatshirt--Aerie ( I want to put this on right now, it looks amazingly comfy)

Boots---UGGS (honestly, I thought these were the ugliest things for the longest time. That was until I actually tried them on. Big mistake! They are so comfortable and really not that bad looking on!)

So although I am going to get the most out of whatever summer we have left, and I am still going to be rockin' my sandals until the leaves change color, I cannot wait for Fall!

Thankful Thursday

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."

I am loving this verse. I've been choosing 2 verses a month to try and memorize, but the memorization part is not coming along so well. I can't seem to memorize anything (which is probably why I have to write EVERYTHING down). But I put the verse on my fridge, and near my computer so that I am seeing it several times a day. I usually try to pick verses that apply to whatever I am feeling at the moment, and this verse is speaking out LOUD to me. It's practically shouting to me every time I look at it, especially the first four words. Trust in the Lord. Got it, and I'm doing it! If this infertility journey has taught me anything, that is it. Keep moving forward and keep trusting God!

Today I am thankful for...

*a positive outlook and a hopeful spirit---Had my CD 14 ultrasound today and there are 3 follicles! Going to use the OPK today and see what happens...I sort of feeling overwhelmed with the possibility...