Friday, September 26, 2008

Faith on Friday

I really felt urged to write about faith today, and in particular, my faith. Sometimes I feel like I have it together, and then there are the days when I feel like a failure in faith. I feel like I shouldn't ever doubt what God can do and when a speck of doubt creeps into my heart, I feel like I have let God down.

My faith in God took on a whole new meaning when Mike and I talked about having kids. I was so excited and couldn't wait to be a mom. I felt ready, and so I began having regular meetings with God. I'd take time out of my day to sit, pray, and be quiet. I was desperate and open to changing my relationship with God. I would tell myself that I had faith in God that He would bless us with a baby. What I didn't realize at the time is that there is a HUGE difference between saying you have faith and actually having it. My faith was confirmed when I got pregnant, and then challenged when I lost the baby. And the thing is, God meant for it to happen that way. He heard me say that I had faith, and I believe he tested me (the hardest test of my life, as it turns out).

So here I am, ready to get on the baby bandwagon again, and sometimes I find myself with some doubt in my heart. Sometimes, when everything is quiet and I'm alone, I feel the doubt in every corner of my being. And I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Yet, I'm starting to learn that God understands where that seed of doubt comes from and is working with me to fix it. I am not a perfect person, and there are times when I am going to have some doubt, but I know that I can just give it up to God, and he'll take it. He's that awesome....

4 comments:

AmberDenae said...

This post was great and just what I needed to read. Faith is so vital. With no faith, life is hopeless and empty. I love what you wrote and I hope and pray that through all that you've endured and had to go through, God blesses you with a beautiful baby! He's faithful and though His timing is never exact (he always plays that last minute thing), it is always perfect! The best of luck to you in your endeavor to begin a family and in your pursuit of the Lord.

I like your blog! I'm so glad you showed yourself and I am adding you to my reading list :)

Thank you for your encouraging words! God bless you!

-Amber

mrs.leah.maria said...

He really truly is, and it's so refreshing to hear that you KNOW that. :)

I'll be praying for you woman!

Shawn said...

Hey Sarah,
I was so happy to "meet" you today! I admire your honesty in your post. I don't know how far along you were when you lost your baby, but I can empathize on some level having lost two babies through miscarriages. I understand the longings of your heart to be a mommy. I am so glad that you are choosing to trust the One who makes no mistakes, even when we don't understand.

Thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog today. I pray His richest blessings on you and your hubby as you wait on Him. Waiting is the hardest work we will ever do--I'm convinced of it.

Shawn

jaime pott photography said...

I'll be praying that God makes you a mommy soon. God WILL bless you! Great post! I too am looking to find where my place is with God. I really need to work on my relation ship with God, you have inspired me to look at it more.