I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep the night before our scheduled C-Section.
I laid awake for awhile, watching the news like I usually did because I was having such a hard time sleeping. I kept rubbing my belly, aware that this was going to be the last night that they were going to be in there. It was a bittersweet moment because I was so physically miserable at this point in my pregnancy and was ready to not be miserable anymore, but I knew that this was the last time I would be feeling them move around in my belly.
When Wednesday morning came, I was glad that we didn't have an early morning appointment so that I would have time to get in a long shower, go over what I had packed in my bag, etc. The only problem was that I was starving and thirsty! Telling a pregnant woman not to eat or drink anything is asking for the world!
We got to the hospital at 10:00, and was taken into OB triage to get prepped for surgery. I remember starting to get nervous when the nurses came in to start my IV. The hospital we were at is a teaching hospital, so there was a student nurse along with another nurse that were assigned to my surgery prep. The student nurse was the one to try to start my IV and after about a minute of her trying to get the needle in, I was ready to tell her that I was not in the mood to be a guinea pig! She couldn't get the IV in, asnd it felt like she was rooting around in my veins forever! Finally, the other nurse took over and got the IV in. Hallelujah! I am still sporting the bruise.
Dr. Wisebaker came in a short time later and did another ultrasound to see the position of the babies. The anesthesiologist came in a few minutes later to talk to me about the spinal, and it seemed like everything sped up after that. I was soon walking down the hallway to the operating room, and up on the table getting my spinal. I was a little freaked out about the spinal because I was worried that I was going to flinch and the needle would hit something it shouldn't and that I would be paralyzed. I know...it sounds ridiculous. What can I say...The doctor and nurses then helped me to lay down on the table, and by then, I had the weirdest sensation running down my body, like my legs weighed 1000 lbs. I remember shaking at that point too, probably more from nerves than anything else. Everything else after that is sort of a blur. Mike came in and sat by me, and the anesthesiologist kept talking to me and walking me through everything that was going on. When she told me that I was going to feel pressure but not pain, she wasn't kidding. Maybe I am just a big baby, but the pressure was unlike anything I have ever felt, and it made me feel super nauseous. I really thought I was going to throw up! It was all I could think about, and thank goodness the anesethesiologist was right there. She gave me something for the nausea and a minute later it was gone.
Taylor was born first and her isolette was the only one that I could see. They pulled her out and everyone couldn't get over how huge she was. It didn't register with me what they were saying, but I kept my focus on her as they were wiping her off. I LOST IT!!! I bawled like a baby and Mike kept saying to me," There's our daughter! We have a daughter!" A few seconds later, Morgan was born, although I don't recall seeing her at all until I was moving to recovery. I could not stop crying and although I knew it was going to be an emotional moment, I never expected to feel so overwhelmed with immediate love for my babies.
After I was completely stitched up, they handed me both babies and wheeled me off to the recovery area. From this point on is where it gets a little hazy. From what I am told, while in the recovery area (and later in my room), I started to lose a lot of blood. At one point, my bed was covered in blood from head to toe. My uterus was not contracting the way it should have been, and I remember a doctor coming in to try and massage it by way of internal exam. That was not such a good time. My blood pressure was obviously low too which they were concerned about. My parents came back to see me, as well as Mike's mom and sister. I don't remember feeling too worried at that point, but after a few hours went by and I was still in the recovery area, I remember thinking that something was off. I know that they told me that I was losing more blood than they would like, but for some reason, it didn't really register. Maybe it was the drugs they were giving me for the pain!
I finally made it to my room at about 4 pm or so. I vaguely remember anything about being taken there or anything for a few hours after arriving in the room. I do remember being so wickedly thirsty! Later that evening, my parents had gone home and the doctor on duty stopped in to check me. She examined me (again, SO painful) and tried massaging my uterus down and discovered several blood clots, although she couldn't reach fully reach them. That's when she told me that they were going to wait and see if they would come out on there own, otherwise I would be taken back into surgery. I was immediately scared and all I could think of was that I wanted my parents there ASAP. Having a dad who is a physician assistant is a very comforting thing, especially at a time like this!
To shorten the story a little bit, I didn't end up having to go into surgery, but I did have to have a blood transfusion. As it turns out, I lost about half of my blood supply. I was so weak, and the doctors thought a transfusion was the best option. I was ready for whatever it took to make me feel better. After the transfusion, I started to feel better, but I was nowhere near to where I was pre-surgery. Just sitting up in bed was painful and exhausting. I wanted to cry when the nurses had me get out of bed to try standing, and then eventually, walking. I wasn't expecting it to be so hard just to go to the bathroom. I wish that I had some wonderful things to say about the recovery process, but it wasn't wonderful. It isn't wonderful now, although it truly is getting better everyday. But I look at my babies and know it has been worth every painful tear I cried.
Looking back, I was in no way prepared for what happened. How could I be? C-sections happen all the time, every day. I assumed I was going to have a normal experience, and that I was going to be walking around in no time, holding and feeding my girls. I didn't expect the complications, the extreme weakness, the pain. I didn't expect that I wouldn't be able to feed my babies right away or change their diapers ( I didn't change their diapers until I got home a few days later).
Having these sweet girls has been a life changing experience. Although I had complications, I am so happy they are here. I look at them and I CANNOT get over that I carried them inside me. It blows me away. It truly is an example of how awesome God is, and what miracles look like.