It seems like I have been reading several blogs lately where they have been talking about "keeping it real" (or not). For example, some bloggers only choose to write about the good stuff in their lives, therefore giving off the perception that everything is just peachy in their life. That is just fine if that is what they choose to do. Not everyone feels comfortable airing their stuff to the entire world. I get it.
For me, this blog was a way for me to get out all of the things I was feeling. Both good and bad. it was also a place for me to share my life.
So it's a little bit of relief for me to be able to say that today I feel...lost. That's it in a nutshell. Our lives have changed dramatically in the past year, even more so in the past 5 months since the girls arrived. Changes have occured for both Mike and I in our careers. It hasn't been easy. I am still adjusting, and wondering if the decisions we made concerning this family are the right ones. I am just in a period of doubt right now. I am hoping that the growing pains will soon be over, and we will be perfectly adjusted to the changes, but today I am feeling alone and lost. I kind of feel like I just hurled myself over a cliff without bothering to see how far down I will fall.
I know that tomorrow will be a brand new day. I know that I could wake up tomorrow and feel completely different. I am praying that God will see me through this storm of mine.
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
***Update: I just want to say that I am not having any doubts about being a mom and wouldn't change that aspect of my life for anything in the world. I am so blessed to have them. I guess the doubts come into play about choosing to quit my full time job and having Mike pick up a second job, where he is working nights and weekends. I sometimes feel like its a no win situation---he misses the girls because he is working more, and I was missing out on a lot when I was working full time (including nights and weekends). I am missing my old job, even though it had its share of stresses that I was more than happy to leave behind. Soooo....that's what's weighing on me today.