Wednesday, July 30, 2008

An Unpleasant Surprise

I hate it when I run into people at the grocery store, especially if I am there in the morning. I usually just run up there, with no makeup on, with whatever clothes I just happened to throw on. And it never fails that I run into someone I know. Today was no exception. I was in line to check out and saw a girl Mike and I know. I hardly recognized her, but the one thing I did notice was her BIG belly. Her BIG PREGNANT belly. Instantly, I started tearing up and it felt like all of the wind had been knocked out of me. Literally, I could not breathe. I had forgotton--she told Mike she was pregnant not long after we found out I was pregnant. So, I kept looking at her and thinking, "That should be me right now." I could not get out of there fast enough.

I don't want to sound judgmental, or get on my high moral soap box, but why is it that this girl, who isn't even married, gets to be pregnant and have a baby, when I can't? I know--I am supposed to be looking at the positive side of the situation. Without my miscarriage I wouldn't be working on my relationship with GOD, strengthening my prayer life, etc. But I'm not always strong, and I am going to have bad days (like today), and I am going to cry over losing a baby. I am going to have times when I am angry when I don't understand how life works, and times when I am sad over what could have been.

I just wish I wouldn't have started to cry in the checkout line at Meijer.

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