I've been a little down the past couple of days. Last night I drove home from work just bawling my eyes out. I think Mike was a little concerned when I came in the house looking like someone had just died. The reason? Umm, there was no reason. Just flat out felt like I couldn't do anything but cry.
I feel overwhelmed by emotion and all of the thoughts that are running through my mind. This week I'll find out if I am pregnant, and I am drowning in fear that I won't be. I am overanalyzing every little thing I feel, which I know is not a healthy thing to do, but I can't help it. I remind myself to take a deep breath and to focus on something else, which I do for a while, until the fear comes knocking again.
I am tired of the roller coaster of emotions every month--being hopeful and optimistic only to be let down. I am tired of letting the fear overshadow my faith. For once, I would just like to stand tall in my belief and let it be.
4 comments:
just a lurker - wanted to say that your love for God is beautiful, but His love for YOU is beyond your comprehension! take rest in that. He will hold you. Praying for good news for you :)
Sarah, You're right. Waiting is the hardest part. This post brought tears to my eyes because I know exactly how you feel.
When I was going through one of my most fearful moments, I stumbled across a Psalm that just spoke so deeply to me. It's Psalm 34: 18-19 - The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous; BUT THE LORD DELIVERS HIM OUT OF THEM ALL". He's going to deliver you out of this. This is only a season. Trust that one day you are going to praise Him so much for that wonderful baby.
You're always in my prayers
Dear Sarah, let me tell you that God is preparing you for motherhood! I know this because being a mom is learning to trust God every single time you put your baby in a cradle for the night -- you have to have faith that God will protect him and keep him safe through the night. Waiting for your pregnancy is boot camp, and then when you get pregnant, it's another series of lessons. But it's all so you'll be the mother God wants you to be -- I have faith in this!!! God has given you this desire and He will bring it to pass in His good time. For all the years I went without getting pregnant, I couldn't understand why God had given me the desire and not the fruition of that desire -- but of course, it just wasn't His time, because HE WAS FAITHFUL. He is faithful to you. Just hold tightly to His hand and tell him that you don't understand, and He will give you comfort and peace and reassurance. I wish I could give you a big hug!
Thank you so much for these words of encouragement! It helps to hear them,especially when I am feeling down.
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