For almost a year now, or maybe it's been even longer than that, I've been "out of sorts" with my church. It's the church that I've been going to for 20 something years. Mike and I were married in this church, and our girls were baptized in this church. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this church, other than me. I've been feeling a huge disconnect when I go, like something is missing.
So, back in the summer, a friend of mine invited me to go to church with her, and on a whim, I decided to go. It was so completely different from my church, that at first, it felt way too foreign for me. I had enjoyed the service, but wasn't sure if I was going to go back. Fast forward to now. The same friend told me that her church was doing a series on marriage, and wanted to invite Mike and I to come. We went and I had a much different feeling walking away from the service. I felt much more comfortable, and to be honest, I left feeling like the sermon had spoke to my heart. Mike and I ended up going to this new church again last week, and I feel like this might be our new church.
Here's the thing...I sort of feel like I am cheating on my old church. Is that crazy?
I am a firm believer in this statement: I am defined by my faith, not by my religion. If I truly believe that, then I shouldn't feel like I am being disloyal to my old church, right? Maybe it's because my "old" church is Catholic, and this new church is non-denominational. I sort of feel like I am leaving behind all of the things that I love about being a Catholic and attending mass. But for some time now, whenever I have attended mass, I leave feeling like I am yearning for more. That "more" that I am yearning for feels lessened when I am going to this other church. I feel engaged, and connected when I go (and they have an awesome childrens program as well!).
I'm not certain where Mike and I will choose to go. Perhaps, for a while, we will go to both churches, until we get a better idea where we definitely want to be. I'm just going with it for now...