Lately, I feel like I've been in a tug of war. Like I'm constantly doing battle...for something that I could never really put my finger on. I've been distant, short tempered, wrapped up in selfish tendencies and a bit unhappy.
Until I had a lightbulb moment at church yesterday. And I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have been at war with myself. I have spent too much time with my iPhone and not enough time with my kids and hubby. I have been hiding behind a screen, pinning things to Pinterest, checking Facebook, looking at everyone else's pics on Instagram instead of living MY life with my sweet family. I've been mentally checking out, and then wondering why my girls seemed so whiny all the time, or why my husband seems a million miles away. Now, Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram are not bad things, but when they take my attention away for long periods of time, that is a huge problem.
So, I surrender. I surrender my selfish habits, my guilt, this battle for my attention. I surrender to being present with my kiddos. I surrender so that I can give attention to Mike. I surrender my day to God, and rest in the peace that He will provide what I need.
I've been searching for my one word for 2014, and I think I have found it. Surrender. I am going to surrender to God's will for me, and turn the focus away from myself. I'm sure I'm going to screw it up at times, and have to start all over again, but I'm giving myself the grace to make mistakes. I'm surrendering to the process of surrendering!