Yesterday was an emotionally draining day. I cried on and off all day long. I said a couple of weeks ago that I was going to finally take the next step in our TTC journey if I didn't get pregnant this month. Well, it didn't happen this month, and I am taking it harder this time than any other time. I have been feeling like it's been time to move forward, but at the same time, I was still holding out hope that it was going to happen naturally. Who am I kidding--I still have hope that it's going to happen on its own, but it was heartbreaking for me to realize that I may have been fooling myself into thinking that there isn't a problem.
I don't know what the future holds for us, but I do know that I am making a doctor's appointment next week. I need to feel like I am making some move in a positive direction, but to be honest, I am having mixed emotions about it. On one hand, I am happy that we are going to get to the bottom of it, but scared that they are going to find something wrong that can't be "fixed". Ugh--I need to stop and take a breath. I have to keep reminding myself that what is meant to be, will be. I need to hand all of this over to God.
4 comments:
Girl, I know EXACTLY how you feel. Make the appointment, just having a plan made a HUGE difference on the way I felt. I'm praying for you!
Oh sarah, I wish I could just hug you right now!
Sarah- I'll be praying for you! For easy answers and a great team of Dr.'s to help you!
You know, once you get pregnant, that fear doesn't go away. I was scared at each and every doctor's appointment that they'd find something wrong with the baby. The fear is always going to be there, but God is bigger than the fear. Just trust in Him, at each step of the way, from the first doctor's appointment to find out what's going on, to the moment that your first child is delivered. Plus, I think you will be surprised at the amazing support that good doctors and nurses want to give their patients who are trying for babies. Reach out to them and ask a zillion questions and just try to embrace the process. Keep in mind your end goal and it will all be worth it, and remember, TRUST IN JESUS! Lots and lots of hugs,
Becky
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