Saturday, May 8, 2010
Yeah, I may be smiling in the picture, but I am definitely not smiling on the inside.
Let me first start off by saying that this Mother's Day wasn't what I thought it was going to be like. I thought I would spend the day feeling like I was on top of the world, feeling like I was actually a mom. But that's not how I felt. I guess it hasn't really hit me that I am someone's mom. I don't think I will truly feel like a mom until I am holding my girls. Mike and I got together with his extended family to celebrate Mother's Day and then we took my parents out to dinner. People kept wishing me a Happy Mother's Day, but it kind of went over my head. It was like, "Who me?".
So back to the beginning sentence of this post. I have been a super grouch lately. I am just miserable right now. Don't get me wrong, I have loved being pregnant up until the past couple weeks and feel extremely blessed to even be given this gift.
That being said, I am sick of feeling crappy. I have this intensely itchy rash all over my body and I am ready to crawl out of my skin. I am itchy 24/7. And this is not dry skin itch. This is OMG there is something wrong itch. Dr. Wisebaker thinks it is either cholestasis or PUPPPS. Cholestasis is a condition where the normal flow of bile in the gallbladder is affected by pregnancy hormones, and causes a buildup of bile acids in the liver which can spill into the bloodstream. Itching is one of the symptoms of this condition. My lab results haven't come back yet, so I am just waiting to hear. PUPPPS is less serious (thank goodness) and is harmless to me and the babies. The cause of PUPPPs is unknown, and although there are some treatments for it, it usually doesn't go away until you deliver (Google PUPPPs and take a look at the pics. My body looks just like those pics. Warning--it's pretty gross!) . Hence, I am feeling so frustrated and nothing is making the itch better. I don't want to complain about the woes of pregnancy, but I reaching a breaking point where I don't know how much longer I can take of this.
Like I said before, for the most part, I have loved being pregnant. It has been such a blessing for Mike and I to get the chance to experience this, and for that reason alone, I sometimes feel like I am not "allowed" to complain about the way I feel. I will continue to thank God for these babies, regardless of what I am feeling or dealing with, but I also realize that God is not going to think I am ungrateful if I am feeling less than enthusiastic about the "side-effects" of pregnancy.
Even feeling like I do, here are the Pregnancy Highlights for Week 34!
How Far Along: 34 weeks
Total Weight Gain: 55lbs. There. I said it. Yikes!!
Sleep: Nope. Even though my back isn't bothering me as much at night anymore, the itching has now caused me to lose sleep.
Best Moment This Week: This might sound strange, but my NST was the best! I got to hear my babies heartbeats for an entire hour! And it may or may not have caused me to be lulled into a cat nap.
Movement: Yes, they are both very active, and sometimes too active! Like when I am trying to go to sleep.
Food Craving: Oreo Milkshakes
What I Miss: Sleep, non-itchy skin, clothes that actually fit over my belly.
What I am Looking Forward To: Seeing my babies, and holding them. I think about this everyday.
Weekly Wisdom: ????
Symptoms: Itchy rash, the pregnancy waddle, swollen feet, big ol' belly.